So when you’re in your 20s, everything is a little fast paced. And by everything I mean your friends getting along with their lives in the most ass-kicking manner that they could. They are great at work, the relationships are doing just fine, the weekends are eventful, the Goa trips are happening and what not. And then, then there’s you. You are struggling with each day. For the smallest of the things. You wouldn’t know how to stretch your arms and get out of the blanket. You wouldn’t know if you can actually persuade your mind in any form to go to work. You just wouldn’t want to eat. Forget exercise. Forget socializing. Forget watching first-day-first-show movies. Forget Hardwell. Forget Coldplay. All you want is the success, the life, the car, the girlfriend, the wedding that people talk about. You just want to somehow get there. Get there and kick some ass.
But I also know how all you need to do is hang-in-there. Right there. Right where nothing is right. Right where your career is nothing but justifying all the synonyms of clueless. Right where you cannot plan a trip to Goa (man!!). Right where your friends are sometimes too busy or too mad at you. Right where you boyfriend does not want to be with you. Right where your parents want you to act mature (act not be, you can’t be!). Right where all the aunties want to judge you. Right where socializing means having to explains “what’s up”. Right where there’s every form of chaos dancing around you. Right where the word stability is out-of-the-dictionary. Right where things are going out of your hand and on top of it you manage to hurt yourself- physically (tadaaa!). There, right there. Just hang in. Swing a little bit.
Because believe it or not, you have done enough. You have tried enough. You have in fact tried so hard, that you ultimately managed to fuck it more. You over thought. You over did. You over understood. You even over-re-acted. You misinterpreted. You used up all the reasons to be mad, depressed, sad, vulnerable and angry. You did. In my case, it never helped.
Life is always going to treat you funny. It is always going to move across and ahead of the bars that you set as “highly disappointment”. It will just pass them through and create new bars. It might as well sometime weaken you and pull you under the surface.
And then just one fine day.. Life will surprise you. Life is going to pay you back. Life is going to be done playing around with you. A lot of things will make sense. A lot of things/people are going to go away- for good. Your friends will be back to the chaddi-buddy zone. Your boyfriend will treat you like the centre of his universe. You will be the star employee. And somehow (for example, me) you will learn to walk without hurting yourself. Because you will. And all this time, all this struggle, all the heartbreak, all the anger, all the anxiety and the insecurity, just all of this will go away. The words in the dictionary will appear again. Its only a phase. And it does happen with everybody. Everybody who wants to build a life. A good life. Everybody who wants to challenge the harsh tantrums that life throws. Everybody who wants to be loved. Everybody who wants to love. It is not just you.
So I guess it’s okay. The temporary should never do any permanent damage. It should never affect your strength.