1 AM thoughts.

Nothing personal, really. haha. 

12:32 AM, the time in my clock. Watched 5 movies back to back straight.. kinda on a movie spree I am. And then suddenly I wanted to write a fictional much cooked up inspired by the movies that I just watched, a mix of drama, romance and suspense, here. 

So while I write this, channa mereya plays in the background. So you can just imagine.

Also I feel, once in a while you need to or have to let go off the things in real life and become a story. Like we’re all stories still going and there are parts of it that I want to re-write. Give it a better start, middle or the ending. I wish.

So, ever since he left, its been a little weird. Its been empty. Its been like a void that no one seems to fill. Its the vacuum that seems to suck in a lot of pressure and bring out the tears or rants at times when too much alcohol intoxicates my system. He seems to have disturbed a lot more than emotions..

I mean to be honest, I never really knew I had so many emotions to express, all at once. I felt delusional, because I kept denying them for the longest I remember. But then, having accepted them is doing no good either. Like now, they are stuck with me. I am not going to be able to do shit about them.

The fact that he is in constant denial of the times, moments, feelings we shared is heartbreaking. Like you can criticism. You can very much take rejection. You cannot take denial. Its human nature. Because there is a lot of you involved and it just feels like a lie.

So I decided to move on.

Because like I said I couldn’t do shit about it.

We don’t talk. I stopped stalking his facebook or instagram.

I adult-ed. And I am glad, in the most satisfying manner.

The above, has a lot of relevance except for a couple things that did not come from me but from the movie that I just watched. Bummer!

The point is, sometimes how ever hard it may be, you need to choose yourself. You need to leave with your self-esteem, your tiny ego and your flowery feelings. Wrap them, pack them in a bag, hang that bag on your shoulder and let go. Let go and get along, ahead. Moving on is never a choice until you really need to make it. And trust me, you will know. No matter how many times your friends tell you, you will know when you do. And just then, listen. Act on it. 

You deserve a fortune and settling for a penny in this world of demonetization, is plain suicide. Haha. I am telling you, because I learnt my lesson.

People need to be able to value your presence more than your absence. Past is always tense. Not “I wish you were here”, “I love that you are here”. Big difference.

 

 

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