And trust me when I say this, today was the loneliest I felt… ever.
So how do you work with your alone time? Wait, let me rephrase that, how do you deal with it when you are lonely?
I have never felt so lonely. Of course, I have been alone and I have lived in two different cities and one another country altogether- I have my experiences, all tucked in my purse, hanging by my shoulder. Today was just different. Maybe I am PMSing, it could be that. Or maybe the little relationship drama- not sure if I can it one, now. Bottom line: today was lonely. But it wasn’t sad. I must admit it is a little scary to know that sometimes all you wish to converse with is your maid that too because ‘girl’s gotta eat’. Else, I did not wish to speak. At all.
I asked myself a number of times, am I too sad? Was I too much in love with him? Is my job sucking too bad? Do I hate this city? Am I missing mom? Should I just pack my bags, leave this town and go home?
And then as I sat on my purple sofa cum bed (which by the way I picked out after a lot of thought and trips to Mumbai’s furniture markets!), I realized it wasn’t any of these situations/reasons. I was just dull and alone. There is nothing close to lonely I felt because my phone rang a number of times and I sure received a decent number of texts from people who constantly want to check on me. And most of all, I had a free online website with my favorite TV series. All of them. And and.. my books! oh my books!
I guess you have to be a little alone to know that you are not lonely. It is scary. But you will love how you are completely capable of thinking about your own mistakes and owning up to them. You know how to clean up that mess and you sure know how to get out of any shit, that comes your way. Because you like what you do, and there is a reason you chose a life this kind. The little 1 bedroom apartment in the fancy metro city with blurry weekends every now and then. You chose it, I chose it. And I love it. So what if it leaves me a little clueless at times and I feel the need to just meet my best friends and crib about or I want to just talk to mom and confess how I should have stayed back home. Well, the matter is that I did not. And there is absolutely nothing I would want to change about it. It is my choices and even if they would add up the list of mistakes I have made, I know I can own up.
Hope you all are hanging in there, the weekend’s almost here! 🙂