No, this is not going to be self-pity, heartbroken piece. Don’t you worry. 🙂
I’ll have to confess that I have had my fair share of heartbreaks but it all seems not so bad now. And I am being extremely honest here. I always felt, after every heartbreak that this is it. This is all I can take and no more. No more meeting people and letting them wreck my nerves and giving them the power to hurt me.
I’ll tell you what, I did it. Every single time. I let them sit in the centre of my universe, and made my life as their life. Sounds extremely selfish and I am sure frustrating for the person on the other side of the relationship.
I guess I have never known better. It always felt the right thing to do. The same old saying, two people sharing the same heart. It is NOT the case. Trust me, it becomes suffocating. Not the stuff leading to it, that part is always all lovey-dovey. The latter part. The part when the other person complains about the things they earlier complained about you not-doing. I feel it is the human thing to do. You know? Wanting something, asking, demanding for it and then when you get it, you don’t want it anymore. We are one twisted generation. And it becomes worse when we do not wish to communicate clearly, thinking the other person should get it right from one mind to another without using words.
Never have I ever seen a relationship falling apart because of just one person. Never. Takes two. Always takes two of them to ruin it or build it.
The first time it happened (the famous heartbreak) I thought I never knew better, so I came to blame myself. The second time when the same thing happened, I thought this just wasn’t meant to be. I had all the reasons to blame the other person and where he came from. I thought, ‘third time’s a charm’. Only that it wasn’t. Massive failure. And this time, I blamed us both equally, inch by inch. But did the blame help? No. Did it help to accuse him of certain things just to cure my wounds? It did not. It always felt like the wrongdoing. It was the wrongdoing. I was as much in the wrong as he was.
So here I am, sitting and writing about it because I know I will never move on from it unless I admit what I did wrong than just passing the blame parcel.
Here’s to mending and fixing what’s broken.