A few months back, I hit rock bottom. I felt what if feels like to be beneath the surface. And it was awful.
I speak for everyone I know, when I say that rock bottom is not an uncommon term as it used to be. We use it often. More often, we feel it. I have felt it constantly for months. For months, I felt I wasn’t wnough and how the person I love will go back to his ex because he is still in love with her or the one before her or the one before her.
Mind you, it was my short-coming. I lacked confidence to an extent that not only I doubted his intentions constantly but my own. I felt I was just not doing anything right. It affected me in the most horrible manner that it could. It broke my relationship with this amazing man who I know for sure loved me as much as he said.
But who’s to blame here? Self-loathing seemed like an option at that time. But now? Who doI blame now that he is not here and I have to live with myself. Chin up and face every day like it is supposed to mean something.
So this one day, I re-read a poem that he wrote to me while we were breaking up. It was a series of events and each of those nights is fresh in my mind like it was yesterday. He wrote that I was a myth. I was a myth that left him in splits. It tore me to read it then, I think if I still had it to read, it will have the same effect on me.
I turned a man into something he always feared because I couldn’t keep my confidence game up. We all do it. Self-doubt. We create tension around ourselves and then fail to deal with it.
It has been months and I have not doubted myself at all. Not at work, not at home, not in general. That does not mean that I fail to accept my wrongs, I acknowledge them, and I don’t repeat them but I never question my ability to be the best version of who I am.
You shouldn’t either. 🙂