First of all, there is a big difference between delusional and hopeful. Before you read this, I hope you know it.
Growing up, I always admired the idea behind two people falling in love and staying together for eternity. Of course, as I grew up, I realized the ‘meant to be’ is only in the movies. It always made me kind of sad to not be able to work my relationships successfully and getting hurt or hurting the other person. For some reason, I have never had enough faith in any of my previous relationships except this once. This one relationship from two years ago was a daydream, a bubble that burst sooner than I could realize.
I have found myself continually wishing at times for things to have worked out differently, and I am not sorry about it. I know if I had to do it all over again, I know what exactly I would do differently. Someone said this to me two days ago, “when we let our bad experience from past into a relationship, we infect the person we love with it.” You become the things you hate. You become that person you hated because you are putting effort into being someone else. I, for one, can relate to this so profoundly, I believed that if I was emotionally unavailable for the initial part of the relationship, it might make it work smoothly. Because then the other person will know my pace and like every other time in my life, I wouldn’t be embarrassed about falling too soon. That’s the thing. You never know how much is too much and, if less, is also less at times. Poor judgment call, I’d say. In the end, the emotional unavailability made me look like a cheater. BIG MISTAKE!
If only I knew better. But that’s the thing right? Ifs and buts and lots of them. We never really know how and what it will turn into until we are neck-deep into it almost at the edge of gasping for air. I say you GIVE IT ALL. GO ALL IN and see what happens. It’s not like it was going to work out any better without you trying (trust me, the carefree attitude is full of shit!). So give it all your best and hope for it to be a rollercoaster that makes your dopamine levels exceed. If you are going to gasp for air, it might as well be for this.
So I guess I am telling you that it is okay to hope for happy endings. It is okay for you to magically wait for getting back together. Some of those love stories in the movies are also original stories. I’d say if you left everything to fate, what are you going to do? Make an effort. Make a life-altering change and make it for love. It is only one life you get, what good is it if you don’t try?